A VACATION RENTAL RANT

A VACATION RENTAL RANT

I don’t know about you but I would try one of those “house swap” vacations, the kind where you leave your car, your cat and house keys totally in the hands of strangers who live on another continent and they do the same thing and you board a plane, find the environment to refresh your soul and meet whatever amazing adventures undoubtedly await.  What could go wrong?

It works in the movies. Didn’t everybody see that movie with Jude Law and whoever those women were? one who lived in a $15 million mansion in the Hollywood Hills and the other in a thatch roofed Cotswold cottage in snowy England?  That went perfectly for EVERYBODY even Jack Black (!) who got to kiss and woe Kate Winslet,  heretofore considered beautiful and SENSIBLE.

But what happens in the movies, stays in the movies. Real life vacation rentals - and I’ve known more than my share - are rarely as advertised and I and my husband just got home from another week spent in something called an efficiency condo on the grounds of Chautauqua Institution. 

Chautuaqua is what I describe as “Disneyland for Discerning Adults,” built on the shores of Chautauqua Lake and chock-a-block with intellectual courses, lectures and entertainment. It’s expensive. There’s a one time charge for a gate pass (something around $500 per person per week) and a parking pass (another hundred). Most “events” are free but not all. And then there’s the cost of accommodation rental.  

We paid $120 per night for a space approximately 10 feet wide and 18 feet long. A bathroom, kitchen and closet came off one end. The bed folded into the wall and sliding doors opened onto a small balcony on the other end. No maid service - no fresh towels every day - and as it turned out, no soap or shampoo included. The building did include WiFi and a flat screen t.v. that received 7 channels - 4 of which were National Public Broadcast and 1 twenty-four hour news and weather.

It also included….. 

27 threadbare towels

14 placemats

6 blankets/bedspreads

8 pot holders

china and flatware, complete setting for 12

enough serving pieces for Thanksgiving dinner

several drawers full of wires, remotes and misc. electronic stuff

2 vacuum cleaners

a kitchen cabinet filled with coffee mugs (but no juice glasses)

So here’s the thing: I understand that you landlords will charge as much money as you can but please, could you at least buy a couple of fresh towels and maybe sheets made after 2000? maybe put all your personal junk in one drawer somewhere so that I have space for my week’s worth of undies? And when did you last need baking dishes, serving platters, 2 massive barcaloungers, a desk and chair, a table and two chairs, a loveseat, coffee table and folding chairs? What kind of parties do you throw anyway? 

I just want a decent juice glass and a towel that doesn’t take my hide off! When I trade houses, I’ll ask more questions.

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We met a really interesting couple in Asheville,NY. Vince builds skyscrapers Monday through Friday but on week ends, he welds rusty found garbage into yard art. He says “To invent, all you need is a little creativity and a good junk pile.”