So, you’re old. Really old! Now what?
You are no longer defined by the job, nor the children, nor the things you bought for your powder room, nor the tile you choose for the re-do of your powder room because guess what? That was twenty-five years ago and who cares? Nobody much comes to your house so nobody ever uses it!
You are old and depressed. It’s called being “irrelevant.” Now what? You used to be “somebody.” Everybody knew you. Well, maybe not everybody when you really think about it. But you had friends that met twice a week. Now they’re dead or moved to Phoenix. Chris Rock says in a NY Times interview that you can’t count on friends anyway. But you think your friends are different? Ha! They’ll still move away to be close to “the son in Nevada.”
You worked at (an office, a factory, a store, a farm) and somebody was always needing something that you had. Now? Everything you have is old, worn, out of date, or lost in the last move. Or also irrelevant.
You tried volunteer work which you hated. Your book club/sewing circle/Bible study group dissolved — the Covid 19 quarantine was the final straw. You looked through all the pamphlets for “Continuing Education for the Elderly” and wanted to throw up. You’ve been thinking about writing your memoirs but your life hasn’t been all that interesting and your grandkids don’t read anything unless it’s on their “device.”
Frankly, you did all that “searching and expanding your horizons” stuff in your 40’s and 50’s. You found yourself, made peace with the whole mess and moved on. (You still can’t actually meditate. You try but all you really do is sit with your eyes closed and think about what you’ll have for lunch.)
So what now? (By the way, two caveats for this “irrelevant” situation: you will never be shuffled off to Buffalo if you are rich and give your money away. A whole bunch of people will still call on you with their hands outstretched. Also, if you know how to shake the money tree — if you were a huge donation finder in your previous stints on non-profit boards. But don’t count on that last one. Those sources you tapped? They’ve died or moved to Ft. Myers.)
Google passes on some answers to the age relevancy thing.
First, make sure you can hear, smell or see as well as possible.
Keep up with technology.
Listen to current music.
Go out (after 5:30 pm).
Do not criticize styles - remember your hair in high school?
Entertain and mix up the guest list.
Don’t talk about your health problems (outside the doctor’s office).
Stay as physically active as possible.
Make yourself an authority on something specific or…
Own all the tools!!!
TALK LESS, LISTEN MORE AND ASK QUESTIONS.
O.K. Maybe. But something’s missing from this list — something I can’t quite put my finger on — something I can’t quite find.
I think it’s this: respect yourself. You are still a significant part of the universal script. Your contribution to this crazy play is necessary. So play your part with gladness and gusto.
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| Charcoal drawing by Peter Allen, "Made In New York" |
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